voice

Your initial response to a prompt should be unencumbered by influence.  The first draft, or the brainstorm, is your viscera, your voice.  Delve deep, formulate your ideas and claim your strength -- when the idea is completely your own, the more you have invested in the rewriting process, resulting in the best final product. 

The collaboration.  Remember, our agenda is switching the power dynamic and turning them into the interviewee.  Here I will help you write from a position of power, challenging the admissions committee to a competition; which one of you are more shrewd?  The upgrade from personal to mission statement will provide an implicit answer. 

Colleges are doting, searching for successful alumni.  What you have written is a mantra, a declaration of ambassadorship.  You view adversity as an opportunity for growth, the world as pliable not static.  Your aspirations are dominated by habits and fundamentals, your path is manifest, visible to the naked eye.  Have fun.